FORUM

A CONVERSATION WITH THREE MIDDLE-AGED GAYS

"Nobody loves you when you're old and gay" is an oft quoted verse of grafitti from the hallowed hands of New York's street philosophers. To grow old in a society that idealizes youth is hard indeed, or so it is said. In order to validate: or dispel this assumption, I held three separate interviews with three middle-aged gays of different social and economic backgrounds. Tom, 40, is a professor at one of the leading universities in in Northeastern Ohio; Joy, 43, a Lesbian industrial; worker from Greater Cleveland; and Tim, 44, is employed by one of the city's prominent rehabilitation services. Together the three present a wide range of attitudes on themselves and the gay subculture. The results are both interesting and enlightening

JSN: There is a stereotype within our society that portrays older gays as being generally more lonely and desolate than their younger brothers and sisters. Is this true for you?

TOM: I really have not given much thought to the aging process largely because I don't separate my gay life from the other facets of my existence. I'm as happy now as I've ever been, and so far as my sexual behaviour is concerned, I'm still being propositioned. JOY I myself am not lonely, but some of my friends They're in a rut, follow a daily routine and live in their own worlds. I think it's because they don't expand themselves and thus cut themselves and thus cut themselves off from other people. TIM: I'm not any lonelier than the next person. think loneliness is a conscious isolation of oneself motivated by fear of contact or fear of rejection. Anyone who deliberately shuts himself off will be lonely.

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JOY When I was alone, I cruised women within my own age bracket. Never have I robbed the cradle. Frankly, I believe I have more in common with women my own age.

TIM: I cruise younger men, particularly if I'm just interested in the physical contact. My most rewarding relationships however, have been with people near my own age. I believe commonality of experience within generations is an important factor in this regard.

JSN: Do you frequent the bars often? TOM: No, but I never did. I'm not a drinker and I don't like loud places. Generally, I prefer priIvate parties, dinners, and trips as social outlets This isn't intended as a put down of the bars; because the bars act as legitimate vehicles for meeting people. But many gays feel they are expected to act in certain ways. They think cruising and sex are the major reasons for interacting in the bars. This, in turn, acts as an agent against forming meaningful relationships. JOY: I go to the bars, maybe once a month. I prea show, dinner, or visiting friends. TIM: Primarily due to the environment, I don't think the bars are satisfactory places for making social contacts. Personally, I'd like to see cooperatively owned housing on a condominium type basis with a medical and psychological community input. Party rooms, a swimming pool, etc., within such a center would be more conducive to meetin and interacting with other gays.

JSN: Do you cruise men or women your own age? TOM: Generally, I've always preferred people older than myself. Most likely, this will continue to be true. When I cruise people, I'm not so concerned with their age as I am in the qualities they. possess:fer ie, an air of maturity. ononononononononononononononon

2 p.m.

EVERY SUNDAY

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COMMUNITY

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AKRON

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HIGH GEAR May, 1975

Page 4

STAN ROBERTS

COORDINATOR

3300 moorewood

JSN. There appears to be a tendency for older gay to pair off as they age. Is this true for you o your close friends? TOM Some marry, some don't. In my opinion the proportion of married to un-married is the same for any age bracket. I know of a couple who have been together for thirty years. My longest relationship has been for four years.

JOY People for the most part definately pair off as they age. I think it's due to settling down, accepting responsibilities, and wanting security and companionship:

TIM: Frankly, at this point in time, I feel ambivalent about "marrying" someone. My life is relatively structured and I'm selfish with my time. JSNI Do you find it difficult to make friends with younger gays?

⚫TOM: I would say yes, but only within the last five years. I think this is largely related to the youth-oriented attitude of our society: 'I'm great because I'm young.' Those who can't assimilate that young friends now, but not many, because most of my friendships were established in younger years. I believe most people carry their old friends with them.

JOY! I have many younger gay friends.

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